I Opyne

Dharna Dude vs Jaali Jihadi

with one comment

Dharna Dude: Loves X-Box, facials and Pakistan Tehreek i Insaaf (PTI)

Jaali Jihadi: Hates the Jews, Likes the Taliban, Loves Jamat I Islami (JI) and also Katrina Kaif (secretly)

…Sometime in the future, at a “Shukrana Rally” called by PTI and JI to celebrate American withdrawal from Afghanistan.

Dharna Dude: Helloooo JJ ma man! Whats happening Brah! We did it didn’t we dude?! PTI and JI are like BFF man! Americans are tu bhago-fying!

Jaali Jihadi: Asalam o Alaikum Bhai Jaan! thanks to Allah we have succeed. We must do shukrana Nawafil, as it is holy day of Friday.

Dharna Dude: So true Brah! Friday it is dude, we are so gonna parto-fy tonight dude!… yeah!… all night long man!

Jaali Jihadi: Afghanistan is first one, now it is baari of; Bosnia, Kashmir, Falastine, and Chechniya…

Dharna Dude: You forgot one man

Jaali Jihadi: Which is that one?

Dharna Dude: Dudee?! Kashghar ma man, ma cuz went there this summer dude.. and they are like maro-fying so many Muslims yaar, that place needs to be Jihad-ofied dude!

Jaali Jihadi: ACHA?!! waisay Kashgar is very good Muslims, Iqbal say, Aik hon Muslim Haram ki pasbani kay liyey… Neel kay sahil say lay ker ta-ba-khak-e-Kashghar… which country is killing Kashghar Muslim, it is Norway or Denmark?

Dharna Dude: No dude, it is the Chinese; they are killo-fying all the Muslims man!

Jaali Jihadi: WHAT!? WHAT YOU SAY!?

Dharna Dude: I swear dude, it’s the Chinese! they are like bringing the whole city down dude… really sad!

Jaali Jihadi: No it is lie, China is best friend, just like our Biradar country

Dharna Dude: but… she said…

Jaali Jihadi: No it is lie, China peoples favorite song is “Pak Chun Yoyi Wansuray” it mean Pak Cheen Dosti Zindabaad!

Dharna Dude: But she actually saw…

Jaali Jihadi: O yaar it is Yahudi Sazish, it must be India soldier who go to Kashghar when China soldier is sleeping and then kill Muslim and tell your cousin that he is China soldier, but it is lie, it is lie! China is best friend, it is all Jewish Sazish.

Dharna Dude: Yeah Dude! The Jews are conspirofying all the time, and you know what the biggest Jewish sazish is?

Jaali Jihadi: What is it?

Dharna Dude: The Fulbright Scholarship man

Jaali Jihadi: oh! You also apply for Fulbright Scholarship?

Dharna Dude: Like Hellllooo? Three times man!… didn’t even call me for an interview, like seriously, W.T.F man?!? And you know why not? You know why? Because I am a Muslim and I am brown… that’s why!… what’s a Muslim to do man! Like seriously what? That’s why I joino-fied PTI man, so much injustice dude… we need justice man!

Jaali Jihadi: ok, how much number you get in GRE examination?

Dharna Dude: *cough cough* c’mon man, that’s personal details dude, you don’t ask that kinda stuff JJ ma man!

Jaali Jihadi: I give GRE exam but fail in English. Your English very good Mashallah. How you improve it?

Dharna Dude: Dude! You gotta speako-fy! … you see all those gora babies, they can’t speak English when they are born… they just say bwaah bwaah… but then they speak it man… you gotta speak, listen to songs and stuff… and dude! You gotta watch movies dude… Hollywood!

Jaali Jihadi: Yes, I also like English movie, I watch all part of Twee-light.

Dharna Dude: Huh! like seriously!? cmon man! that’s like really uncool! Twilight is for girls who are too young for chick flicks and too old for Hannah Montana. You don’t watch that okay? it’s bad! like VERY bad!

Jaali Jihadi: Yes, Allah maaf karay, movie watching is bad, but I fast forward all the gunda scene, I only look at boiz, waisay very beautiful boiz mashallah…

Dharna Dude: DUDE! Like you DO NOT checko-fy other dudes man! That’s like super uncool dude, like super duper uncool!

Jaali Jihadi: What you mean uncool?

Dharna Dude: Dude! You don’t check out guys okay? It is like ummm whats the word, hmm yes… Haram… its haram!

Jaali Jihadi: Yes, tobah, movie is haram, magar shaitan aap ko majboor ker daita hai.

Dharna Dude: c’mon JJ ma Brah, you gotta speak English dude! We gotta ace this GRE Biatch dude! Muslim power man! Oo btw, do you watch Bollywood? Like Indian movies and stuff?

Jaali Jihadi: Yes, some some time,

Dharna Dude: dude I ONLY watch ones with Katrina man! That chick is smoking hot! Sheila key Jawaaani… tee tee teee teeeeeee teeeeeeee *dances*

Jaali Jihadi: OYE! WHAT YOU SAY!?

Dharna Dude: Chillaax ma Brah! tee tee teee teeeeeee teeeeeeee *dances*

Jaali Jihadi: O-YOU-SHITUP!

Dharna Dude: huh? Wha? I just said she is hot, like why…

Jaali Jihadi: CHUP! BAYSHARAM! All YOU PTI PEOPLES IS BAYSHARAM JUST LIKE YOUR LEADER..

Dharna Dude: Dude, you DO NOT say that about Imran THE MAN Khan okay?! He is the bravest and most honestest man in Pakistan! RESPECT! OKAY?

Jaali Jihadi: CHUP OYE!  Bara aya Brave shrave …We beat him in Punjab University and he say nothing, how brave? SHITUP HO JA WARNA…

Dharna Dude: WARNA KYA!? We just kicked the Yankees out of Afghanistan man! DON’T MESS WITH US! Kasam say you guys are SO UNCOOL! Like SO SO SO UNCOOL!

Jaali Jihadi: WHAT YOU SAY!!? UNCOOL MEAN HARAM! YOU CALL US BAD NAME!? BHAIYOON, ISS KHABEES NAY HUMAY GAALI THE HAI! PAKRO!

*Dharna Dude gets pummeled*

Dharna Dude: NO NO! Ouch! PTI!!! BACHAOFY!!!

Appeared on Express Tribune Blogs on the 18th of November, 2011.

Written by Imran Khan

November 23, 2011 at 7:16 am

Posted in PTI, Taliban

One Response

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  1. -likes-

    sheerenay

    December 26, 2012 at 11:18 am


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